We’ve all been there, finding ourselves in a situation that didn’t make sense, without a full set of real data, leaving us confused and worried. To regain a sense of control, we start connecting the pieces of info we do know, filling in the gaps with our imaginations. In other words, we Make Sh*t Up (MSU), creating the reason for this situation that’s confusing us. Believing that we now know what is going on, we proceed to act on the story we just MSU’d. And we make our own weather. And it’s always wrong. We screw it up and make the situation worse.
MSU is the basis for soap operas, failed love affairs, international relations and college admissions ranking systems.
MSU brought that Malaysian Airliner down over Ukraine. MSU makes Israel and Hamas launch bombs at each other and kill children and completely innocent citizens who would actually like each other if they were allowed to mingle and connect as human beings. MSU shatters half of the nation’s marriages. MSU is the reason why the average private college applicant applies to 12 schools now, sending the entire college admissions process into imbalance, leading to more MSU.
Making Sh*t Up always leads to heartache because when we’re left to figure out what the other party is thinking and doing, we’ll always default to the fear factor.
Examples? How about:
Why didn’t they text me back? (MSU= I knew they didn’t like me.) Why did they walk right by me when I said hello? (MSU= they’re a snob.) Why did that school put me on the wait list? (MSU= they just rejected me because I’m not good enough. )
In reality, they didn’t text you back because they were in meetings all day and haven’t gotten the chance to get back to you. They walked by you because they are myopic and don’t like to wear glasses in public. They put you on the wait list because they want to take you after May 1 if they have the space because wait list is “admitted pending space” and not a “soft rejection” as urban legend would have it.
Our culture trains us into the MSU mind set, asking us to vote online to judge people and situations we know nothing about. It encourages opinions at the end of news articles and allows the anonymity of haters. It has raised celebrity gossip to a high art, dishing the dirt over the air waves about the perceived foibles of public people. We make sh*t up about strangers and friends alike, judging them with great emotion. Feeling all righteous and right.
But MSU is stupid. It always leads to the wrong conclusion, bringing misunderstanding and pain. Worse, it reinforces the notion that there are good people and bad people in the world, instead of the real truth that there are just people, each of us wired to be both good and bad.
It makes imperfection a sin when, in fact, imperfection is the genesis of creativity.
So the next time you find yourself making sh*t up (you can substitute ‘stuff’ if you aren’t vulgar like I am), stop and ask yourself what you actually know to be true. Do you know that they didn’t text you back because they don’t like you? Do you know for a fact that they are a snob? Do you know that you were just rejected when in fact you were actually waitlisted?
Time to use our gray matter. Clarify instead of MSU.